Why return to the office?
A silver lining of the COVID pandemic was the liberation of online workers. Just like the machines of the industrial economy liberated African slaves in America, the computers of the cyber economy are liberating online workers worldwide. May technology keep blessing god.
TakeSlap at TakeSlap.com offers spicy food for thought. We put words together to burn your brain a little and spark new thinking. Our stream of consciousness blog may help you think and rethink current ideas and trends floating through the collective human mind. Read it at your own risk. Share it with others only if you dare. Remember, they may get mad and may want to slap you like Will smacked Chris.
Traditional offices were the biggest casualty of the COVID pandemic. Their peak death toll is still yet to come. The offices that had been around for centuries quickly became antiquated and obsolete during COVID.
COVID redefined office work by demonstrating that online work can be done as effectively, if not more effectively, remotely from home or from anywhere else workers can get together online. Now that the COVID emergency is over, many employers want their employees back in the slaving office. Many employees are reluctant to return, asking themselves why should they return to the office slavery.
Workers are asking why should they return to the office. Companies are not providing good answers. Companies are hiring consultants to work as echo chambers of past mythologies about the wonders of the office. They are hiring researchers for to craft ambiguous papers with seasoned statistics about the virtuous serendipity of co-location. Employees know better.
So long as employers keep failing to provide good reasons for employees to return to the office, such as free food, fun, and games, employees will keep voting with their feet in the Great Resignation. Agile competitors will keep "stealing" the trained and polished human capital by offering fully remote work opportunities. Companies stuck in the past of high cost and ineffective administrative prison spaces will stay behind. Shareholders and taxpayers will suffer the consequences.
Slavery office economics: wasting money burning the planet
Why should employees return to spending money on business clothing made by modern day slaves in foreign sweat shops? Why should employees risk their lives in dangerous cities and roads, commuting back and forth? Why burn the planet and subsidize the Russian oil economy commuting?
Why perspiration over inspiration? Why get exposed to viruses and other oddities working within perspiration distance of others when what enhances productivity and serendipity of innovation these days is working together within inspiration distance online?
1950s office dynamics: white men bullying each other while harassing women and minorities
The office was invented by old white men way back when there were no feasible alternatives. These men ruling the office circus had a "home away from home" where to work and misbehave. In these boxy places, these white men of the past used to gather daily to collaborate a little, bully often, and sexually harass occasionally.
Eventually, women and minorities who could behave like white men, climbed the ladder bars of the office jailhouse. Today, these "new" office managers are writing the policies requiring workers to return to the old office construct. Things are not as bad in offices as in the 1950s, but they are not par with 2020s technologies and aspirations. Managers are thinking that throwing the bone of "hybrid" schedules will be enough. That would probably not be enough. Free food and coffee shop / hotel lobby amenities may do the trick. After all food addiction, loneliness, and boredom are rampant in America and elsewhere.
Scary office economics: trillions of dollars tied to an obsolete concept
The office is the economic backbone of cities, downtown areas, suburban office parks, etc. From parking garages to cafeterias, retail to ancillary services, etc, a huge part of urban and suburban economies depend on the antiquated and almost obsolete concept of traditional administrative office space. Trillions of dollars are tied up to an antiquated and almost obsolete concept and business model.
Things will change and there is a great opportunity for entrepreneurs and space innovators. The office economy is looking to reinvent itself. The best solution is to transform the concept of the office into a corporate entertainment center. Yes, entertainment. We will get back to this shortly, but first let's bad mouth bosses just for fun and explore what they may be feeling and thinking.
Most bosses are gaining weight, losing hair, and aging fast waiting for retirement.
Most bosses worked years or decades to become office bosses. The office is where fat bosses gain more weight and age quickly while life goes by them. They enjoy it, feeling powerful, productive, and important as jail masters. The office is where bosses get the pleasure of leading, mentoring, and bossing subordinate inmates.
Socializing is a basic human need. We are all primates and primates are social creatures. Socializing got the bosses to be the bosses. Bosses need people to socialize with and boss around. Now that COVID is under control, bosses want to keep socializing as the bosses at the social circle if not circus called the office.
The office hierarchy is the ultimate perk of bosses. Bossing over empty cubicles or in an empty office building is not fun. Being the office boss is meaningless if there is no one looking up to you, brown nosing over you, pretending to like your silly jokes, repeating what you want to hear, being pretty for your eyes, and so on. It is a pleasure to be the office boss. It is a pleasure to have that "home away from home" to escape into the abyss of work alocholism. It is fun to be the king, queen, or queer of the office hill.
Return to work wishful thinking: everything will come back to "normal"
Most bosses believe in the office. That is the playground where they grew up. The office is where bosses found meaning to their lives. Bosses traded off other paths in life to climb the office ladder. They feel that it's not fair that COVID got to upend their world so quickly. They need a couple more years of "normal" before they retire and move to the Florida as everyone else.
The wishful thinking of many bosses is that by dictating return to work policies with increased telework or "hybrid" opportunities, everything will be how it was. In their fairy tales, bosses and subordinates will live happily ever after as if COVID had never happened. That could be the case, but only if the new hybrid setting serves the needs of the employees.
Employees (not bosses) are the key
The solution going forward is to transform the office into a place where employees really want to be rather than a place where employees have to be. Offices can be turned into fun community centers for collaborative entertainment and productivity.
Employees are the human capital of the company. Most businesses fail due to lack of capital, and human capital is the most important capital of all. Employees are what make or break a business. Bosses are there to enable the productivity of employees.
The office of the future must be fun, diverse, and inclusive to be successful and productive.
The successful office of the future will not resemble the office of the past. The future office will not be the traditional place where modern day slaves go to crank work under the supervision of bosses. The modern office will be a fun gathering place to chat and exchange ideas to supplement the work done at home or online somewhere else.
The near future will bring many opportunities for interior designers, architects, and engineers that can transform traditional administrative facilities into collective productivity facilities. Future offices will look more like Starbucks and fun hotel lobbies. They will be fun and compelling gathering places where employees go to learn, play, and relax productively.
Change is the only constant
COVID was a terrible pandemic, but brought significant improvements in telework and remote work. The paste is out of the tube as they say. Many managers would like it to force the paste back into the tube and go back in time. Employees are not buying it and are pushing back. Even if they are returning to the office for now, they are doing so reluctantly waiting for the opportunity to escape.
Companies should embrace the opportunity for change. Forget about ancient mythology and medieval theology about the productivity and serendipity of the old traditional office. Traditional offices worked in the past because were no alternatives and employees did not know better.
Pray to technology, the new god around
Technology keeps liberating humanity. The industrial revolution liberated African slaves in America. The digital revolution is liberating online workers everywhere.
Technology keeps canceling, redefining, and rebooting culture. Technology keeps improving the world. Free yourself. Embrace digital freedom. Synch up your circadian rhythm to the computational algorithm. Pray to the electrons!
What do you think? Elon Musk for President?
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